1. Talk about it. For all adults, communication is vital to a healthy sex life. For older adults, it is important to discuss issues related to medical conditions, rules of sex, likes/dislikes, and anything else you may feel is important for your sexual partner should know. Communication and the ability to listen to what a potential sexual partner is stating put both men and women in the category of “great lover”.
2. Attitude goes a long way. As adults age, society and often the aging person themselves thinks that sex, sexuality, and sexual desire is the distant past. This myth could not be any further from the truth. Older adults may have physical issues that are different from the younger folks, but an older adult’s desire for sex and intimacy can be just as strong as people younger in age. Age has little to do with sexual desire and appetite.
3. Sex toys and sexual aids are always okay. As an adult ages, certain physiological changes occur that make use of sex aids and sex toys a reasonable alternative. Vibrators help with clitoral and vaginal stimulation, lubricants to reduce vaginal dryness, pharmaceutical and nutraceutical supplements to help men obtain and sustain an erection, and other aids/toys can make sex more comfortable and risque.
4. Accept your history. As people become older, they may have lost a love one, possibly divorced, have not been sexually active in some time, or going through life with few sexual partners. If you have experienced any of these, your goal is to practice acceptance and learn to focus on the present tense. At times, accepting your history and moving on can be a lot easier said than done. What ever your circumstances may be, moving forward to always the best first step. Allowing yourself to think about sex and participating in sex is as natural as eating and drinking.
5. Fantasy is fantastic. Whether you are having sex or thinking about wanting to, sexual fantasy is healthy, normal, and great for your mind and body. If you find yourself not thinking about sex, start by actively thinking about sex one time daily. An excellent time to do so is when you are taking a bath or shower. During this time, people are often in private and relaxed from the warm water. Within time of practicing thinking about sex, you will find your mind going into the sexual realm without you having to tell yourself to do so.
6. Set the mood. Just like people of all ages, setting the mood is paramount. Things like sharing a romantic meal, taking a shower or bath together, exchanging massages, or listening to music together can help enhance sexual desire. Whether you are having sex with a person or hoping to have sex with a special person, always take steps to create an ambience for sensual intimacy.
7. Learn body language. Both men and women exhibit non-verbal signs they are interested in you or find you attractive. Body language is also evident in couples that send the message they are ready for sensual exchange. Talk with your friends or go online and learn what signs the opposite sex exhibits signaling they are attracted to you. Some experts believe that we communicate more through body language then using the verbal method.
8. Single and sexual. Almost half of all people 65 and older in the United States are single for various reasons. If you are single, a new romance sexual tryst can be exciting and may lead to love or other intimate exchanges. Women live longer than men do, so finding a man later in life can at times be frustrating. The goal is to first make it a goal. Visiting the mall, taking an adult education course, volunteering, and becoming involved in social media sites are just a few ways to meet other people. Meeting others is based on the laws of probability. The more you put yourself in situations where others may be, the higher the probability is you will succeed.
9. Dress to impress. Whether you are a man or woman, dressing in a fashionable manner will help you feel more confident and send the signal to others that you are vibrant and sexy. Everyone will always welcome dressing well. If you are in a relationship, he/she will feel pride to being with you. If you are single, you send the message that you are ready for dating, but only willing to date others as dapper as you do.
10. Read tip one repeatedly. The most important advice for all people, whether young or old, are communication skills building. Having the ability to be extroverted or talkative is not the goal. The ability to communicate is feeling comfortable about expressing your needs, wants, and desires.
Older adults are equally sexual as the rest of the population, but society tends to think age equals asexual. This societal assumption could not be further from the truth. If you are an older adult, do not allow the rest of the world dictate how you should act and behave. These tips are offered because you deal with the exact same issues people your junior experience. Personally, I am glad to know that sexual desire and appetite can last for the entire life span.
Dr. Michael Nuccitelli is a New York State licensed psychologist and a clinical and educational consultant for Herberex Inc. and Goliath Labs Inc. Dr. Nuccitelli areas of expertise include dietary supplement compliance guidelines, sports nutrition, human sexuality, forensic psychology, health/fitness, and psychiatric/psychological issues.